I Put My RSVP Card in the Mail Yesterday

Some Updates on That Whole Wedding Situation, or
Sentences Currently Stewing In My Inbox, or
Yeah, I Really Sent That, and No, She Hasn't Replied Yet, or
I'm Happy With This Decision:

From: Me
To: Mom, Dad
Date: Aug 31, 2006 7:38 PM
Subject: Anne's wedding

Hi guys. I know we've been planning on seeing each other at Anne's wedding, but I just can't make it.

I plan on calling or writing Anne personally to let her know.

From: Mom
To: Me
Date: Sep 1, 2006 11:47 AM
Subject: Oops, forgot

I had said there might be a chance you’d be there. I’ll let them know you won’t.

…so I’ll let him know to not plan on you for that either.

How many years has it been now?*

…but I guess now that won’t be necessary.

I’ll also let them know you won’t be there for the rehearsal dinner.

Per previous discussion**, does that now mean that you’ve let your hair grow? Is my pretty Dolly Bird*** in there somewhere? I went to the Clinique counter and let them do my makeup. I now know a few tricks to make my eyes look better. You always liked to do your eyes.**** I’ll show you whenever I see you.

From: Me
To: Mom
Date: Sep 2, 2006 5:33 PM
Subject: Re: Oops, forgot

"Per previous discussion, does that now mean that you've let your hair grow? Is my pretty Dolly Bird in there somewhere? I went to the Clinique counter and let them do my makeup. I now know a few tricks to make my eyes look better. You always liked to do your eyes. I'll show you whenever I see you."

Really Mom? I mean, really?

Don't expect me for Thanksgiving either.

Love,
Your Fucking Gorgeous Just As I Am Daughter

*I last saw my parents in April.

**I have absolutely no idea what "previous discussion" she could be talking about. Especially since I know my mother and make a point of it to never talk to her about appearances. (You can see why.)

***"Dolly Bird" is the nickname I've had from my mom for my whole life.

****If by "You always liked to do your eyes" she means "Remember when you were severely depressed in high school and I pretended not to see it and then guilted and shamed you into allowing me to forcibly put eye make-up on you before your proms by insinuating you're ugly without it" then yes.*****

*****Don't get all wigged out by reading that perhaps over-share, because, yeah, I really signed an email to her--not as Dolly Bird--but as "Your Fucking Gorgeous Just As I Am Daughter." I was sad then, but I'm strong now.