What's it mean that I set the alarm early with The Ex to spend more time with her, but am late almost every day to spend more time with Jessa?*

Wyoming was f'ing awesome. I loved it. I can't say enough good things. I really can't. I love and miss Sarah.

While driving, I had the thought: "So this is how it's all going to end--driving through a thunderstorm in Southeastern Nebraska, choking on an egg mcmuffin."

I wrote The Ex an email yesterday. It was short and to the point and as if we still talk all the time. I just had to tell her "Thank God for Pepe!" I hope at least she got it.

Stefania's moving in. At least for a while.

I have my first grad class today. I'm going back to grad school. It doesn't feel real. Am I really doing this?

I think I've become Jessa's personal algebra tutor. I like it though. And it's good studying for the GRE. I'm just worried about the nights I'm busy. This feels like when I tutored Tara through Statistics back in San Diego.

I miss Autumn.

I'm supposed to go to a cousin's wedding in Salt Lake City at the end of September. That means I'll be travelling on my birthday. Who wants to spend her birthday in airport security lines? Not this guy.

I'm not going to Christmas. I'm still thinking about Thanksgiving. I don't know why. Guilt? The desire to have that family everyone else talks about? The desire to stay silent at lunches like today where one woman/lesbian/friend/mother gave the advice to another woman/lesbian/friend/girlfriend that it really is better for her to not talk to her blood family at all. That breaking up with them was the right choice. I don't want it to be the right choice for me. I know I would have stayed silent anyway, but in this case, I like that my silence meant I do talk to my family. But I don't honestly. And I don't like them. Or love them really, except for maybe my aunts. And I know that "makes me a bad person" in society or whatever, but if I'm honest, I don't. I really think my main desire for having them around and talking to them and seeing them is for the materialistic value of it, which makes me think maybe I am a part of that family after all.

Uh, this is weird, but I have to go to class now.

*That's not my postsecret or anything, just looking at it made me have that thought. And I thought it was pretty, so I put in a link. See more at postsecret.