To be and be free

And then the phone rang, and an immediate smile spread across my face because it must be her, oh she, and she was calling me and it was so much earlier than I expected and I didn’t have to worry and write page after page in changing fonts, I simply could wait and she would call and maybe smile as she talked to me so that I could hear it and smile right back to her through these silly little cell phones. And it shocks me even now because the phone rang and it wasn’t her, but the hope of her was enough to remind me that all these silly little fears are no more than that, they are silly little fears and I can have trust that she will call me and even if she doesn’t call me in the break it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like me because we can’t just stop these feelings over night because they are real. She is unlike anyone I’ve ever met and I like her so much for that. I like her for reminding me that way back when I was still growing up I did fall in love with the trees and wish upon the night stars as I breathed in cold air because I could tell that all in this world was somehow connected and true. She can remind me of what I used to take faith in and that it just feels good to touch a tree because nothing in the man-made world and office I walk through and work in everyday can feel like tree bark and the life that it contains. Water from the faucet will never have the same quality as the puddle I just got mad at walking through because I’m stuck in these synthetic shoes and have “grown-up” responsibilities to take care of where puddle water has become unacceptable and I guess that means the rest of the real world, the rest of my nature has also been something unwanted in these technological times, but she’s not stuck in my “civilized” world, she’s found a way to stay grounded and to help me pull back down to the ground with her. I still have what I’ve learned and there’s a pragmatic side to this healing heart that knows I can’t change the system unless I’m in the system so I still won’t jump in the puddle and let my calves feel cold, wet droplets running down them, but I can and will change the way I look at that puddle and try to remember why I’m even working to change the system and it’s because there’s a love in this world that too many of us have forgotten about and if we could all just allow one another to be and be free then the love would watch over all of us and we could all be happy and there wouldn’t be so much hurt in the world, and so much fear, there would be this love I speak of, and there would be trees and bushes and leaves and fresh night air and that would be what matters, and she will always matter to me because this is what she’s taught me is such a short amount of time and it’s a lesson I won’t soon forget, nor a woman I’ll soon let get away even if my worldly fears of her disliking me somehow prove true, because she is too important to me to let her go, even if I need to take it slow.