I'd Like To

Life feels full.

Y'know that feeling when you eat too much and you reach uncomfortably full? Then an hour or two later, you're no longer that feeling of discomfort, but you're not quite comfortable yet either. You know it's gonna be okay, you can see it in the future, but it's not there yet.

Dear Friends, I've taken off again. I'm trying to find ways to come back to you, and your love. I've written many of you emails that, in the end, I've given up and sent to myself. To even more of you I've started emails and simply deleted them.

We exist in a world where we're hyper aware of appropriateness. The downside: I always think I'm being inappropriate. I think a lot of us do.

It's cold here. When I stand outside for any length of time, I start crying. It's that kind of eye-watering cold.

School starts next week. Work's super stressful, but I'm happy for my students to be back. ("My" not "The".)

There have been birthdays this week. I left my phone charger in Texas so I haven't been able to call or talk for any length of time, but Happy Birthday my dear, dear friends. How lost I would be in this world without each of you. I'm glad you were born. I'm glad our lives crossed paths, and hope they will continue to, forever. I can almost believe they will, with both of you. That's big, and feels big in a good way.

I spent 12 days with the family this Winter. 12 days. I feel so determinedly alone when thinking of them. It's a relief to give up on desiring understanding.

The days get longer, and nights shorter, with each time the sun shows her face. I need the light. I think we're all on the up and up.

Life's very full. Good and bad. And more and less and around and in between. Expectations have the power to destroy me, and I often let them get close. Oops.

Happy three day weekend. Hey. Take some actual time to remember the real Martin Luther King Jr. Stand up. Revolt. Peacefully. And stay warm. Each day gets brighter. For all of us.