Sitting on a parking curb, head in hands, rocking--and I think she saw

My favorite thing so far today was going to postsecret.blogspot.com and seeing all the pictures of broken bedroom doors from where abusive mothers tried to beat their way in. I don't even check it regularly anymore and only looked at the Mother's Day secrets the way the rest of the world looks at bloody car accidents. Some time ago I stopped feeling close to people and started to feel annoyed. This time I felt less lonely.

(Don't think you know me because I wrote that sentence. I'm not that easy to figure out. I mean, are you?)

I'm scared that I'm going to fuck up this new relationship not because she's shitty, but because of me. That's new.

Is it weird that one of my favorite parts of my time with her this weekend was when she invited me over and she was on the phone with her dad and I just lay on the floor quietly with her thigh as my pillow, dancing my fingertips absentmindedly up and down her calf as I stared at the moving painting the sun and leafy shadows made on the wall above us?
...
Y'know what I hate? Getting out of something and then realizing just how much it sucked and that I didn't really have a clue while I was in it. Is that how all relationships are? Or just all of mine? Do they all get really bad at the end and when it's finally over all friends sigh and admit It Was About Time? No? Still just me? Awesome. (And cool how I put "at the end" when we all know it wasn't just at the end, it was just that I couldn't stand the shit for a second longer...)
...
Now I'm spending time with a woman who actually wants to get to know me and makes my stomach feel like a jellyfish, pulsating in and out, in and out with the way she asks all the right questions but I've forgotten how to give the right answers.