I Dreamt of Love; It was Worse than the Nightmares, Because I Woke Up to Reality

I was in a dance outside at a park, under a shelter. It wasn't burlesque or drag, just choreographed dancing, and we hadn't practiced as much as we should have. Bex was standing next to me, with our leader to her left. I still had water in my hand when the show started, and didn't want to mess up the steps by putting it down, so I just held it through the first number. There were so many chairs set up, taking up all the space in the Shelter, and then we were on the far side, gravel for our stage. Once the first dance was underway, I started looking through the audience. Mom was there, on the left and trying to signal something to me about how I was fucking up. And one of Jessa's friends that I really liked--though was so threatened by at first--that I haven't seen or talked to since the break up. Then, I saw Dad. He wasn't sitting with Mom. He was sitting on the other side of the aisle with the PFLAG parents. Not the PFLAG parents of my dream, but the actual Columbia I-know-them-because-I'm-a-part-of-this-community PFLAG parents, Linda and Clayton. He was wearing a shirt, that looked like the shirts we sold at Pro-Choice/Pro-Fashion last Summer, except it just had a small drawing of a woman's face on the front, and it said, "you're beautiful." He smiled at me the whole time. I got so excited. He wasn't sitting with Mom. I thought maybe they weren't together anymore and just didn't tell me, because they don't tell me anything. I thought he bought the shirt to support me. I thought he was at the show because he was proud.

E's mom was here for the Burly-Q show, and she bought a Burly-Q shirt. Sam's mom came to Pride Prom Roller Disco and pretended Patrick was the gay son she never had. Graduation with friend's parents on Saturday. Mother's Day on Sunday.