I might be stronger than this, but I'm still worried

Yo.

She texted me and is still playing her power games. She's no longer in control of my game piece, but I'm afraid if I simply exit the contest at this point, I'll be constantly worried and thinking of the looming hand above, and what move it wants to make as soon as I'm not paying attention. Because we walk around on this game board, and I never know when I've entered the territory she calls her own and wants to control. I willingly went behind enemy lines twice in the past 3 days. I did it on purpose, because I don't want her to win ownership of the only acceptable patio in town now that Shakespeare's have corporatized and sold it's soul to the man. I might still go there from time to time, but it'll be the same as going anywhere else, and that still hurts too much. I knew it would be a strategic battle, but went into it with my own power plays planned, and besides some unnecessary repetition, think I executed them well.

I wish it was as simple as exiting. It seems there's been a shift in how I play this game called life, and well, action has been suiting me better than silence. I'm not sure why, but I don't hurt as much afterwards when I actually do something, instead of letting things happen to me. The problem is how to decipher when action is needed, and when I'm only reacting.

Live and learn, right? Live and learn.

In other news, I'm sorry that she just broke up with her boyfriend, but I refuse to be the replacement. I hope it doesn't come down to action in this case; I just want her to know.

And finally, she called me out on my silence. We were around others, and usually I'm safe under the cloak of conversation, but she noticed that I had nowhere to turn my eyes as my thoughts raced behind them, and she called me out on it. I lied and said "nothing" but she knows when I'm lying. She always knows. Why wasn't she in the conversation? Why be under the cloak with me? How does she have the confidence to simply ask me my thoughts? I'm open to her, and I guess might always be. I closed her out once, but now she's back. Can it be that simple? "Now she's back." Somehow it is. And it's not that others haven't noticed, or even asked, but it's when she noticed, and when she asked, and, as much as I don't want to admit it, maybe simply that it was her asking.

Chicago this weekend. And probably the next as well. I'm excited. And now we'll see the fun that happens before hand.