Could Not Do It Without You

This is a post to all those allies out there who, as I so aptly put it, care about LGBT issues, "but only in a I-have-a-gay-friend/my-first-boyfriend-turned-out-to-be-gay/I'm-a-cool-straight-girl-who-is-girls-with-this-flamer type of way".

Dudes, the fight for queer rights (and all rights) would be nothing without those who have the privilege fighting along our sides. I think all of those reasons are PERFECT reasons to fight for LGBTQ rights.

After reading over my last post I realized that my issues with The Ex could be taken as an insult to anyone who fights for the cause without being directly affected by it. All I mean is, when she (and this is about her) does her tiny part of the fight, she covers up why she's doing the fighting and to me that's almost like a step backwards. To accept others you have to first accept yourself and until she's able to be honest about who she is, she'll have trouble accepting others about who they are. At the same time, I think the only way for her to accept who she is is to be around people who do.

AND, oh my god this is important so pay attention to this part I am in no way trying to say that I know her sexuality. I don't. But I do know she denies what she's felt in the past and whatever label she chooses to put on her sexuality, can't be complete and true until she takes all of her life and feelings into account. Even if it's to realize (and this is a big step for me) that some of those feelings aren't real or truly her. (Ow. That still hurts more than it should.)

I think one of the things I hate more than anything, is the fear of losing the person I love, solely because of my gender. And the fear has only grown since it may have already happened once. (Or maybe I'm just a piece of shit and she does love women, she just didn't love me. Take your pick. Rejection is hard.)

The point: The ex and I are over. I'm bitter and wish she would fight for my/her/our/everyone's rights a hell of a lot more. I don't want my bitterness at her to be misunderstood as bitterness and elitism for all of those fucking amazing allies out there who do more work than I could ever dream of. So thank you for remembering that I'm just a person trying to get by in the world and hopefully fall in love and be happy. Thank you even more for fighting--regardless of the catalyst to start the fight--so that I, and we all, can have all of those dreams come true.