The External Validation Helps

Something that still makes me so angry about her is all the friendship that we had. It was so much more than friendship, but at the base was such a true and genuine friendship. No, not at the end, it wasn't genuine, but here, now, now that it's over, now that we don't even talk anymore, now that I'm even in a space where it's not only okay to say it's over but it actually feels good over, I still think about her when something reminds me of her. How I wish I still had that friendship. I miss having history. A historical friendship that's so deep I can't plan for and when someone jokes about Nick Hornsby I get it and I know that she'll get it, so I want to write to her about it. Because jokes aren't funny when you have to explain them, at least not ones like this. I miss Ghostbusters and Saturday Night Live and Spanish and Spain and St Louis and pop music and, now, apparently, Nick Hornsby references. She's out of my life, and I'm better for it, but I still feel a little hollow inside when she's the one I want to connect to, and I know I can't.

Girlfriend is starting to get jealous of New Friend and New Friend is starting to act weird, so I just want to go home alone. It may not be Nick Hornsby with them, but I know it'll come. It always comes.